he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize