Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
