Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
