my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
