I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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