You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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