"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
