Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
