lets start a swedish sibling band together
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
