You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
