My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
