Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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