i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
