College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
