the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize