He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
