Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize