You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
