Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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