I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
