How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
