Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
