My friends, they love my intelligence
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
