1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize