You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
