Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
