If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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