Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
