Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
