filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize