Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
