I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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