the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
