I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
