Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
