i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have aggressive nipples.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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