You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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