Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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