I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
