im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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