I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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