so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
