my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
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