You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
