chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
