This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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