did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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