theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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