So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
