you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
