8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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