I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
People with herpes should wear stickers.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
