sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
