I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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