she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
