If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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