Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
