No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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