Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
