I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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