she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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