Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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