just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
