her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
