i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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