YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
