She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
