he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
