You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
