There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
