Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
