Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
