why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
