He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
