Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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