If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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