Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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