Sry I called you an 8
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
