Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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