Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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