dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
