There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
