I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
