Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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