Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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