I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
