problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
