Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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