i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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