turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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