Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
