Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
