omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
