Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
