I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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