Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
