Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
