We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this will be a night to untag.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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