Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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