I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
