Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
