Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
