I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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