I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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