i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
