guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Let's get the cat blown out
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So here I am, sexting at work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
