How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
