what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize