I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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