Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Let's get the cat blown out
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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