I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
