He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
