Yo dont text me then not text me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize