dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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